Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
