The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
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HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
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I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.