I need help removing her.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
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It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.