Texts From Last Night

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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.

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  (+27): I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork. http://tfl.nu/lbeq
  Replies (20) Good night (2894) Bad night (742)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?

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  (312): you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were? http://tfl.nu/ge77
  Replies (40) Good night (733) Bad night (3340)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.

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  (214): You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet. http://tfl.nu/ajf1
  Replies (23) Good night (7619) Bad night (1142)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

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  (770): my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad http://tfl.nu/o7wi
  Replies (32) Good night (1957) Bad night (9002)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.

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  (+44): It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice. http://tfl.nu/unne
  Replies (7) Good night (3600) Bad night (1127)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.

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  (717): Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea. (717): OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED. http://tfl.nu/n4s9
  Replies (7) Good night (3452) Bad night (970)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?

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  (302): Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech? http://tfl.nu/c3aa
  Replies (23) Good night (1262) Bad night (2309)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.

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  (901): Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed. http://tfl.nu/jvs2
  Replies (7) Good night (710) Bad night (1222)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.

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  (207): He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug. http://tfl.nu/cbeo
  Replies (7) Good night (1179) Bad night (1247)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change

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  (702): This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change http://tfl.nu/0eyu
  Replies (1) Good night (979) Bad night (475)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.

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  (940): Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them. http://tfl.nu/2war
  Replies (13) Good night (710) Bad night (1279)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again

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  (610): Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again http://tfl.nu/400n
  Replies (5) Good night (728) Bad night (407)
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  (916): View more from California

  Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.

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  (916): Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand. http://tfl.nu/j2wp
  Replies (3) Good night (796) Bad night (749)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.

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  (919): There is an alarming amount of food in my bra. http://tfl.nu/bxub
  Replies (0) Good night (490) Bad night (531)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.

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  (989): yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know (1-989): im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology. http://tfl.nu/m7q7
  Replies (2) Good night (774) Bad night (340)

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