apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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