i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal