Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
