he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize