It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
