I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
