omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
