I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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