I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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