I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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