I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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