I just pynch a tree in the face
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
