i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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