I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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