If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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