sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
