filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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