I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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