yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
