1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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