I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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