yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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