woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
They have beer where we have blood.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
