Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
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he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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