Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
