I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
