Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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