Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
