he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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