Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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