no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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