How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
