What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
