Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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