I'm really into asian looking animals
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
