This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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