We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
