I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
