I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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