just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
