I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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