it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
