Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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