Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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