The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
