I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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