why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
