Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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