The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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