whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Four minutes until I can fart!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
