my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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