those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
