walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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