I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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