Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
