Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
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She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
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i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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