If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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