Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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