Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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