I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
