i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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