I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
