So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
