I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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