today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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